Kirsten’s Corner: The One about Saying Goodbye

Once upon a time there was a recovering chunky-butt named Kirsten who decided she wanted to work in a gym-o-awesomeness and surround herself with healthy, fit-minded peeps. As part of her indoctrination into the land of IFAST-dom, she was awarded an assessment that verified her strengths and weaknesses as a dormant athlete. She quickly proved herself to have the dexterity of a Weeble-Wobble. They sent their noble and optimistic warrior, Sir Jae, to feverishly train Kirsten in the art of Anti-Humpty-Dump-tery. This is her story…

WEEK 14:

I don’t like shopping. I avoid it as much as possible. Last week I had no choice: we needed to prepare my Princess Blessing’s wardrobe for the onset of 7th grade. Yay me. After purchasing her a plethora of undergarments and Dr. Who socks and t-shirts, we decided to stop by Lane Bryant so I could buy myself a few new pieces for my intentionally-shrinking body. Lane Bryant, for those unfamiliar, is a plus-size clothing chain. As a fat woman, it’s one of a handful of stores that I’ve been limited to shopping at for the last 20 years. In short, Lane Bryant is my comfort zone at Castleton Square mall. I can step through their doors, be embraced for the large woman I am, and feel beautiful at whatever size I’m wearing. This time, however, was different. Instead of feeling confident and sexy, I was consumed with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and fear. I discovered that I’m now wearing their 14/16, the smallest size they carry. Because I’m still losing, I realized it could be my last time shopping there. Saying goodbye to Lane Bryant? I simply can’t fathom it. And to go from being the smallest size at one store only to be the biggest size at “traditional” retail shops?  So not fair.

This time two years ago, I weighed almost 300 pounds. My daughter and I were once again back-to-school shopping. My daughter had wanted to check out a trendy clothing store, H&M.  As I hovered near the entrance waiting for her, the manager of H&M approached and joylessly asked if there was something she could help me find. My daughter weighed a scrawny 65 pounds; knowing she may not be their targeted body type, I asked what sizes they carried.  The manager treated me like I was shoplifting her air and coldly answered, “There is NOTHING in this store that would fit you.” I was too stunned, ashamed and humiliated to be angry.

I’m not sure what shopping life will be like post-Lane Bryant. But part of this recovering-Chubby is excited to go into other stores and find out.

Except for H&M. They can suck it.

Living happily ever after,
Kirsten

LAST POST’S GOALS:

• Get Old House on the market and organize a kitchen in New House so I can feel empowered to control my cooking/dining environment.. GRADE: A
• Track. Track. Track. Share food log with Jae. GRADE: A

THIS POST’S GOALS:

• Hit the store and all else required to maintain my status of She Who Plans Her Meals and Is a Food-Logging Ninja
• Conditioning on my off-days

LESSONS LEARNED:

• I started turning in my food logs to Jae every day before my workouts. Building accountability into my routine doesn’t make me childish; it makes me lose weight.
• Food can be fuel AND delicious; I’m worth the extra time it takes to plan my meals.

Kirsten’s Corner is a weekly blog post written by Kirsten Shaw to document her health-fit journey. It is intended to offer humor and inspiration and should not be misconstrued as medical advice or the opinions of IFAST.